ScarJonesin'

I know this project dropped over a month ago, but I don’t care what anybody says: I STILL think Scarlett Johansson is a terrible singer.

After the initial incredulity regarding the whole project wore off [ScarJo pulling a LinLo? Of Tom Waits covers?!?!], this project seems to have passed into the realm of “superliminal ironic favor” in the music blogosphere, i.e. Scarlett Johansson covering Tom Waits is so obviously a poor choice that I am going to go against the grain and deem it “surprisingly good.” Or maybe all these music bloggers’ megacrushes on the lovely and talented chantreuse got the best of them. Either way, its comparable to Pitchfork’s annual obligatory favorable review of a bubblegum pop song [e.g. Kelly Clarkson and Rihanna cracking the top ten on their best of the year lists] to counter attacks on their pretentiousness. This measure is futile, as most of their writers seem to be trying their best to impress freshman year creative writing professors with the longest possible concoction of grandiose phrases and convoluted metaphors.

I’ve been spouting this whole Johansson soapbox for awhile now, usually too loudly and usually while drinking. Granted, I DID only listen to the first 30 seconds of the first single I found on the Hype Machine before deciding that no, everyone is wrong, this is not ironically interesting, this is really just terrible. So today I decided to revisit the project and make sure I wouldn’t be eating my words. But no. It really is seriously terrible. How could anyone think this could be interesting and/or pleasing to listen to? And I dig ScarJo, I really do. I think she wears great clothes and is a good actress who picks interesting projects. But I think that makes me even more fed up with her singing debut—since she took the so obviously Hollywood indie chick route of choosing an artist with sickening hipster cred, and then didn’t follow through with something that I could even secretly like.

Things I secretly like: Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That Finger Eleven song that rips off Franz Ferdinand with paralyzingly bad modern rock lyrics. Franz Ferdinand. Chee-tos. Justice mashups. Dudes in khaki cargo shorts.

See, it’s not that difficult!